Approaching Thirty

I know that I am not old… that is not what this blog is about. I am two months away from twenty-eight and as I enter my late twenties I can’t help but look back and wonder if I’m where I want to be…

I guess I’d have to know what I wanted to be doing at this point, and I guess that has always been my problem. I’ve never had some great dream or ambition. I’ve always accepted that life is fluid, and simply gone with the flow. This approach however, has left me sort of lost. I’ve never felt any certainty about the future accept that it is coming. So I often feel as though I’m in a free fall.

There are people in my life who seem to have everything together, of course there are just as many who are as lost as I am. I hope to draw from their successes or mistakes, to formulate my… what? Future? That sounds so absolute, and I know that there are no absolutes in life. And I run back into the same problem… how do you make commitments and plans in a world where the only constant is change. How do you choose a grad school when the economy could collapse at any time? How do you bring a child into the world when there is no guarantee you’ll have health insurance? How do you fall in love when love is fleeting?

I constantly feel stuck in this loop… and it terrifies me.

I don’t know if I need some sort of concrete plan, maybe a general outline…