Last night I had an epiphany, if you will. As I drove home from a fantastic restaurant week dinner with good friends I realized that I love my life. One of the true blessings of being a single woman, is that all that energy that traditionally goes to raising children and managing a home can be focused into art, community involvement, running festivals, enjoying a job, movies, books, friends, expensive dinners, parties, bike rides and most importantly being impulsive. I’ve had this wonderful run of selfishness and self discovery, that I am not sure is over yet.
There is a strong part of me that wants to “grow up” have a partner and kids... yada, yada, yada, but I realize that to have that I will have to give up some of the wonderful freedom that I have now. And I resent that! I hate that our social norm of womanhood is this overworked working mom. While the social norm of men is not the father, but the bachelor. I live my life as a bachelor and I have to face pity from older women and the constant bombardment of the media reminding me that I should want the more “meaningful” life of family. I don’t know if that is what I really want, and I defiantly don’t want it if it means that I have to give up the wonderful things that are in my life now.
I want to create art, I want to remain an involved community activist, and I want to continue to enjoy my life on my own terms. That’s why I live in this god forsaken city. The opportunity to live the way I choose, not how society dictates is completely open here. I’m not giving up my dream of having it all, but I am in no rush to end things with a white picket fence, in fact I don’t ever want a fucking fence.
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